


five times veronica almost had sex and one time she did

by temerarius



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, F/F, F/M, Sexual Abuse, veronica's life before riverdale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-01 23:49:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13305933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/temerarius/pseuds/temerarius
Summary: veronica lodge’s past sexual experiences before archie have all been bad. these are all of them.





	five times veronica almost had sex and one time she did

**Author's Note:**

> i'd like to say now that none of this besides the end is canonical. there are mentions of attempted rape and pedophilia so if you are triggered by that please don't read this.  
> it’s also kind of - sad? i don’t know. i got randomly inspired. i hope yall don’t hate it.  
> this also tackles why veronica might have been afraid to say i love you to archie in 2x08. i hope you enjoy!

i.

The first time was at a middle school dance, when she was in seventh grade, in a packed gym filled with sweaty middle schoolers who Veronica couldn’t care less about. The only person she was focusing on was Brandon Nixwell, the eighth grader she’d been fawning over since the beginning of her sixth grade year, the boy who Veronica’s best friend claimed had a huge crush on the Lodge girl. She had spent hours doing her makeup, slipping into a dress, clipping on her mother’s priceless opaque pearls and gushing over how sophisticated they made her look. They made her look fierce; they made her look tough. They made her look desirable and sexy.

They made her look like exactly the type of seventh grade girl that an eighth grader would pull into the bathroom, kissing sloppily, hands groping everywhere on her body.

Brandon wasn’t a good kisser, Veronica thought as his saliva painted her chin and above her lip, getting anywhere but the spot she’d dreamed of him touching. Even when his lips brushed against the right spot, she didn’t feel the rush of electricity, of pure love and lust, that she’d dreamed of. She felt nothing aside from spit covered lips rubbing off her dark pink lipstick, and a raging pit of disappointment forming in her stomach.

He slid his hand up her dress and into her underwear, gripping a place np one had touched before, squeezing and making her tense in pain as his other hand went to the left side of her chest, groping and gripping.

It was only when he brought his lips to her neck, brushing against the pearls, that Veronica really, truly wanted him to stop. She pressed her hands to his chest, pushed him off, sending him tumbling into the stall across the bathroom. Her heart was pounding, and she wanted nothing more than to leave the dance and go home and maybe watch a movie with her parents.

She adjusted her pearls as Brandon cursed at her, calling her a whore, but Veronica didn’t let it affect her. When she glanced at herself in the mirror, she felt just as desirable and sexy and tough and fierce as she had when she first clipped on those pearls.

ii.

She was in eighth grade, now, having matured from her seventh grade self, blossoming a chest and a certain desirable nature that had boys falling over themselves, trying to get to her. Veronica had had multiple boyfriends, all of whom had been dumped by her in an effort to find the next guy, the guy who did something for her, who made her want to do stuff.

Veronica knew guys would stab their hearts out to be with her, but the fact was, the feeling wasn’t reciprocated for anyone. So she made do with guys who she didn’t like, who she didn’t want to date, but she had a reputation to keep up. She was the most popular girl in school for a reason, because guys wanted her and girls wanted to be her, and girls wouldn’t want to be here if she didn’t have guys wanting her. A full circle.

At her best friend’s house, Veronica sat next to Brenna as everyone decided to play Spin the Bottle. Veronica hated the game. She hated being forced to do something at the risk of a tarnished reputation, but it was Brenna’s birthday and Brenna insisted and Veronica would do anything for Brenna.

The bottle spun once and landed on Gabriel Monserrat, who was gorgeous, tall and dark, with sparkling eyes and a wide grin and someone everyone expected Veronica to be with. When the bottle spun again it was her, it was Veronica, and everyone started hollering as Brenna stood Veronica up and pushed her towards Gabriel despite Veronica screaming, inside her head, for them to stop, but then she was in the dark closet with him and it was happening.

He kissed her, and he was good at it, and Veronica enjoyed it, briefly. The kissing was nice, but clearly Gabriel interpreted the small moan she released as consent to move forward and he did. He held her neck, and then her back and then her ass, pulling her towards him, mumbling, telling her he was going to fuck her, which revolted her and made her want to run out of the closet screaming but she couldn’t, He unzipped his pants and pulled himself out, and he was small, and he grabbed her hand and made her touch it, and Veronica hated every moment.

Gabriel pushed her down and pushed his dick in her mouth, and she wanted to vomit all over it, but she complied and did what he wanted. That’s what people would expect her to do, suck off Gabriel Monserrat in a closet during her best friend’s birthday party. He moaned and groaned and even shouted, and Veronica knew he was doing it so that the people outside would hear, and she tried not to cry while he was in her mouth. Veronica didn’t want this. She didn’t want it, she didn’t want it.

When the seven minutes were up, he kissed her and they left the closet, and Veronica returned to her spot by Brenna with a lump in her throat, wishing she could wash her mouth out with bleach to forget ever having him do that to her.

iii.

Later in her eighth grade year, Veronica wondered why she never enjoyed being intimate. Was there something wrong with her? Was she a medical anamoly, someone who didn’t enjoy kissing the hottest boys and sucking them off in closets? The only conclusion she could come to was that she didn’t like doing it with guys. So she went to Brenna about it, the only person she’d trust with such information, and told her, and Brenna offered to experiment with Veronica. Brenna confessed to her that she only liked girls, and how her parents were so sad, and thinking of Hiram and Hermione being sad about Veronica being gay made bile rise in her throat, but she needed to try.

So, on Brenna’s bed, with the door locked, she took her shirt and bra off and let Brenna kiss her chest, and she enjoyed that part, actually, a lot. No one had ever done that to her. Then she did the same thing to Brenna, and she didn’t enjoy that very much, but this was an experiment. Veronica didn’t need to like anything.

Then Brenna took off her parents and told Veronica to kiss her and she did, and then Brenna kissed her, and she felt nothing. Then Brenna kissed beneath her skirt, and Veronica really felt nothing, and she panicked because, despite her wanting to do this originally, she knew she didn’t want this. She couldn’t go there with Brenna, despite the fact that, she realized, she very much liked girls. Brenna was her best friend - her sister.

Veronica put her clothes on and apologized to Brenna over and over and Brenna was so hurt and Veronica wanted to hurl herself out a window. She went home and laid down and cried and wondered if things with her best friend would ever be the same. 

The next day, when she walked into school to hear everyone talking about what a gay prude she was, she knew things wouldn’t be the same.

iv.

The last day of summer vacation before her freshman year, on top of the roof of her apartment building, Gabriel told her that he loved her. Then he kissed her, like he had in eighth grade, and she kissed back, because she was dating Gabriel and she had been for a month and she figured she loved him, too, if she would stay with him for a month.

Veronica would go all the way with him, she decided. She didn’t want to be a gay prude, even if the term was true. She was - gay, she supposed. She liked girls and boys. And she was a prude. But she wouldn’t be - not after having sex with Gabriel on top of the roof, after he said he loved her and kissed her so she wouldn’t have to say it back.

She rolled on top of him and he took off her shirt, kissing her chest like Brenna had, and she enjoyed it as much as she had when Brenna did it. He kissed her, and he took off his pants and then took off hers, and before Veronica could panic he was groaning, attempting to push himself inside of her, and she realized she wasn’t ready.

Veronica jumped up and put her clothes back on in record time like she had in Brenna’s bedroom, crying as Gabriel yelled.

“You’re such a prude,” he screamed at her, so loud that she thought everyone in the city could hear, and she kept sobbing. “You’re a fucking tease.” And he continued to yell, and called her a fag, and left the rooftop, and Veronica sat down and cried, cried so loud she thought she’d never be able to stop, because she thought Gabriel loved her. He said he did. And it occurred to her, then, that maybe that was what guys would do to her, love her until she wouldn’t have sex with them.

When she went home to her apartment, her parents were watching a movie, and Veronica cuddled up with them and told them about what had happened. They held her as she cried, and she watched the rest of Die Hard with them, her legs in her mother’s lap, her head in her dad’s, and she fell asleep like that. When she woke up the next morning to go to her first day of ninth grade, everyone knew about what had happened, and Veronica went to the same rooftop and wished she could just throw herself off.

Fuck Gabriel Monserrat. Fuck him and his ‘i love you’s,’ and the fact that all he wanted was to fuck her. Fuck him. Fuck Brenna, who Veronica trusted with her biggest secret. Fuck Brandon, for doing so much to her in seventh grade. Fuck herself for not being able to fuck anybody. She was a prude. A gay, teasing, prude. That was all she’d ever be. An ‘I love you’ for a fuck.

She went home and watched Die Hard, again, with her parents, but she didn’t tell them about school.

v.

Halfway through her freshman year, her uncle came to visit, and he stayed in the guest bedroom, right next to Veronica’s. She had always trusted him.

She went to his room at night and told him everything, dating back to Brandon Nixwell in seventh grade, to Gabriel and Brenna in eighth, to Gabriel again in the summer. He told her not to worry.

They don’t deserve you, he said. Fuck them. She was too good for them. And, oh, he loved her, and he was so glad she had come to him. It was everything she needed to hear. Veronica thanked him.

I can always count on you, she said, and she hugged him, blinking back the tears that had welled up. He kissed her head, and she let him go and turned to leave and he called her back over to him and kissed her.

Kissed her, on the lips, his hands digging into her hips to keep her grounded in place. He was strong, like her father, and she was small, like her mother, and he pulled her into his lap and kissed her chest like Brenna and Gabriel but it didn’t feel good like it had when they did it. She didn’t say no, at first. She stood, frozen, because this was her uncle, who held her as a baby, who had always been there for her. 

He pulled off his sweatpants, and that was when Veronica began to freak out. She hit his chest, her voice incapable of raising above a whisper, and it occurred to her that a similar scenario had occured to her in dreams. She needed help, desperately, but she couldn’t shout.

She watched as he pulled off his shirt, and he was naked and she was just in her nightgown, and she punched his chest but it hardly made him flinch.

This was worse than Brandon in seventh, and Gabriel and Brenna in eighth, and Gabriel, again, in the summer. This was worse than being called a gay prude or a tease, worse than having everyone staring at you because they know you didn’t put out.

When she could finally scream she did, an earsplitting shriek, and within moments the door of the guest room open and it was her dad and she was finally saved. She watched as Hiram beat his brother, and her mother came and took Veronica to bed back in her parents’ room, and she never saw her uncle again, and she never stopped having the nightmare with her incapability to scream for help.

vi.

The first time she ever did have sex happened with Archie, a boy she had feelings for, a boy she kissed and wanted to kiss, a boy who sang with her, and read to her, and studied with her, and had her head over heels for him. And it was slow, soft, gentle, and everything Veronica wanted it to be.

She didn’t want it to be with Brendon in seventh or Gabriel and Brenna in eighth or Gabriel, again, in the summer or with her fucking uncle in ninth. She wanted it to be with Archie, and it was.  
He kissed her, and it felt better than it had with anyone else. He kissed her chest and it was better than Gabriel. He kissed beneath her skirt, and it felt better than it did with Brenna. He slid his hand into her underwear, and it was better than Brandon. And he did more, and it felt, somehow, magical, and she knew this was how it was meant to happen.

Afterwards, she laid in her bed with him, thinking about all of the people it had almost happened with, and how robbed she’d have felt if she had ever gone through with it. As she stared at a sleeping Archie Andrews, Veronica Lodge wondered why the universe would make her go through so much cruelty to find the boy she was meant to be with, and before she could contemplate it she fell asleep, dreaming about the ginger haired boy beside her.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment if you enjoyed and follow my tumblr, @.vcrchiedale:-)))


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